Kidnapped/ missing/ killed

I remember looking at the smiling faces as they looked out of posters near the entrance of Wal-mart, and it always scared me, pained me immensely. Some even had last seen dates back from the nineties. I could only think about the pain the families would be going through as they would meticulously take these prints year after year, over and over again and paste them at every possible place. The lack of closure is what drives all the pain, and keeps the hope alive. The living hope often kills more than the death itself.

AP/ Dave Pickoff, file

A sudden rush of emotions engulfed me today as I sat in the bus and read the story of Etan Patz, a six year old who went missing in 1979 as he walked from home to the school bus stand alone for the first time. The search went on for years and years, and is in fact still going on. There have been numerous sightings, including one in Israel, but he was never found. And maybe he will never be found, like so many others like him who were snatched and robbed of their childhood.

I am not a parent, but I feel completely empathy to the parents who lose their young ones, never fully knowing what actually happened to their kids. Many of them would even die without knowing the answers, and what a life would that be. A hope that some miracle would happen someday...

Equally taxing to my senses was the documentary 'The Children of Taliban', and I had to actually stop it for a while to get a good grip on myself. Using the kids as sacrifice, can't still digest the thought...

Makes me think of Pink Floyd. Adults molest, abuse, rape and murder kids, is that even being human? Why can't they just leave the kids alone?

A Separation

Music starts only when the end credits start rolling in. You are almost overwhelmed by emotions by then, but they don't overpower you. They linger on...and you do not want to let go of them.

A separation...

There are plenty of reviews about the movie on the web, but I am yet to read any. I will do that soon though, maybe later in the night. But I am convinced that a movie which wins the "Best Foreign Movie' award at the Oscars would surely have glowing reviews.

The movie works on multiple levels, and almost all levels compete with each other to excel. But somehow its the grayness of the characters which stand out, all the characters, what they say what they do, how the story unfolds. No one is wrong, and no one is right; its just the way it is. There is no categorizing it in anyway, you can relate to it, empathize with it, and connect with it. The story is fair to everyone, its just perfectly balanced.

I don't know how some film-makers do this, but I am glad that such phenomenal people exist and make such exceptional cinema; world would just not be worth existing if such movies aren't made.

Image source: www.laist.com

Empathy

Empathy. Its something people have spoken about often enough, especially at the d.school. Hmm. So where do I exist? I was unsure, and I still am. Sometimes I connect with people, but I am still unsure if I empathize with them completely; do I feel their pain, their joys, their worries, their anxieties?

PHI and HIPPA prohibit me from sharing any information on the patients I meet and any procedures I observe, so I won't get into any details. But two cases in the past two weeks left a deep impact one me. One was someone really sick and very young girl (I call her Snow White, like sleeping beauty) who had a procedure done on her in the ICU; the other one was an old old woman (I call her San Francisco, for her fantastic stories from the city) who I met in the out-patient clinic and was completely blown away by her effervescence and beauty.

I was extremely uncomfortable with Snow White, afraid that something might just go wrong, she looked so unwell and frail. I really wanted to help, and knew that I possibly couldn't. I wonder if prayers help you connect with people (Julian, are you listening?)! I have tried this earlier as well (connecting with people through my thoughts), and have never been so sure about its efficacy. Maybe it works. Maybe.

Things were just the opposite with San Francisco, she was so full of joy and energy. I laughed when she did, smiled when she did. It was almost as if I was mirroring her expressions, without really being actually aware of it. It was fantastic to be with her, she made me happy as well.

I have been told often that women are way better than men with empathy. I wish there was a woman with me in these settings, and we could have discussed this later on. I wanted another opinion.

But I am still unsure if I empathized with them, I did connect with them both though. Sure.
Food for thought.

Clinically Immersed, need help!

How the days fly! As I get immersed into the Clinical Immersion at Stanford Hospital, my mind is buzzing with an overload of thoughts. I seem to be taking every observation as an area on intervention and thinking of solutions already. I need to hold back and spend more time analyzing...also need to spend more time discussing and building on thoughts (and not ideas!).

For most reading it, this might sounds like utter gibberish, but this is my mind talking, just random stuff. But this has been my life for the past one month. I am not a doctor (and can possibly never be one), but have been spending a lot of time at the Stanford hospital, meeting doctors, observing (never participating :)) procedures and running around trying find to eat lunches!

Jon and me in scrubs last week :)

I am also getting to fulfill the childhood fantasy of living like a doctor, at least dressing like one :) Based on where we would be spending our day, we wear formals with white lab coats (for in-patient or out-patient rounds) or surgeon's scrubs (for procedures). This picture is in fact taken inside the Biodesign lab, and my partner here is Jonathon. For now, we are together for these rounds, will swap partner with the other team later.

The post seems disjointed, and makes no sense even to me. It would get clearer as time goes by, I just needed to take this one out. I am sure more fluid thoughts shall follow.

Also on my mind is the Indian dinner treat from Siraj at Sakoon (downtown, Mountain view), morning walking, fooding and photography session at the Farmer's market (California Avenue, Palo Alto), the missed trip to the Science Museum today morning and the fabulous pastries and quiche waiting for consumption right in front of me.

Goodbye Ahmedabad!

Dead body at the Sunday Market

Leaving my city tonight. Not sure if I am coming back. I already know I will miss you Ahmedabad, more than any other city I have ever known in life.

I will miss the bustling roads and the buzzing lanes. I will miss the cows crossing over even at the busiest junctions and the cars and bikes which always almost bump into each other. I will miss the men and the women who almost die everyday on the roads, but never actually do. I will miss the old city, the pols, the sweet Gujarati food. I will miss the mosques, the temples, the people who make them alive. I will miss walking on the streets aimlessly, talking to friendly strangers, eating food way past mid-night in the old city, and desperately searching for an open cigarette shop at 2 am.

But I will miss the people the most. I will miss the friends I made over the many many years spent in this city.

Bhavin has been my companion for the longest period of time. We made the perfect house mates, always there for each other and always giving complete space to one another. He knows all my secrets, but they never went beyond him. I can tell him just about everything, knowing that he somehow would understand. We traveled a lot, did lots of photography and bike rides. We were never close as classmates in NID, but living with him bought us much closer, and surprisingly we lived in perfect harmony. I have a feeling that he is getting married because I am moving out of the house, and he won't be able to take the loneliness :) Bhavin recently wrote an amazing post about me on his and that can be read here.

Manoj, the one guy with whom you can have a conversation about almost everything. He was my life line when it came to discussing things which everyone else seemed to be disinterested about - the politics of South India, stories about Gods and Goddesses, impact of religion and its evolution, invasion of Iraq, unrest in Syria and so on. We became better friends as we started playing tennis together, but it was only when we discovered our love for traveling that our dosti rocked! We bonded over the numerous shared cigarettes (I had to force him to give a few drags from his, initially reluctant he eventually relented) and the shared blankets over many trips :)) Though extremely reserved about himself (unless of course when he is drunk), Manoj is a perfect friend and an exceptional travel mate!

Vikram and me share the same sun-sign and I get along extremely well with him when the time is right! We had the most fantastic time in Chennai (and on numerous trips made together) when we stayed for a couple of weeks working with a client. He is the funniest of them all and can keep you entertained forever and ever. We have had our own set of screw-ups but I guess that's all part of growing up and learning in life. I guess we will eventually move on over it all. I would always remember the absolutely insane movies that only the two of us went for and still enjoyed.

There are so many more that I am even afraid to even mention the names here, I might miss some and end up offending them. But all the people who I came across in these years, only made the time spent here more eventful.

I am going now, but I have a feeling that the city will call me back. Again.
Amen.