Monday, April 18, 2011

Closure, an end

Ref: www.redbubble.com
I lit one another cigarette, and was yet again engulfed in the dark cloud of smoke and despair. I knew it was senseless to wait anymore, but it was impossible not to. I continued to wait, staring out from the closed window into the dense darkness and the feeble fog of the listless night. There was smoke coming out from the house on the near-by hill, perhaps the man in family had just come in and food was getting ready for him, or maybe it was just the smoke of death coming out from the abandoned house.

We had agreed to meet here a few years ago, as we walked along the river on a cold moonlit night. She had her head on my chest and was humming her favorite tune - a jazz number from the era gone by, about lovers separated by time. The small town down the hills was already sleeping and we had absolute silence around us. As we sat right there, looking at the stars after making love slowly under the moonlit sky, she asked for this promise. It was not something she would normally do, she was just not the sort; perhaps she was just happy and content then. We cuddled into each other and agreed to meet at the same place, ten years from then. Maybe she already knew then that we won't be together for long; however, for me it was a promise in blood, and I always thought we would come here again, together...

The coffee was ready now, my fifth so far. Smoke and coffee don't always go well, but I was savoring its bitterness today; it helped me kill the time and also relive the past. I had buried it with much struggle a couple of years after she suddenly decided to leave me. The end was as torrential as our brief spell of togetherness, but the parting always remained incomplete, open. But she moved on, and eventually so did I. 

For the last one year, the itch was growing again to meet her one last time and seek answers for all my unanswered questions, or perhaps just to hold her like I did in our moments together. I often looked into blank spaces, flickering lights, and slow moving fan and wondered if she would even remember the promise she had taken from me. I knew that she would, just as I was sure she would come and meet me one last time today...

The sound of the chirping birds woke me up, and I got up with a start. Warm early sunlight was filtering into the room through the wooden blinds; somehow I had dozed off after my nth cup of coffee. Was there a faint familiar smell lingering around my chair? Had my coffee table been moved and the cigarettes collected neatly and kept in the makeshift ashtray by someone else? Everything looked just the same, but my heart was not ready to believe that nothing happened while I was living through hell in my sleep. Maybe she was here last night as I slept off on the rocking chair, maybe it was just my imagination. My heart struggled with more questions...

Already late for my train I rushed out quickly. It was finally time I moved on, seven years is a long while, and for once I was willing to start all over again. This was finally closure for me; or so I thought...

45 comments:

  1. 7 years, after someone went away, I dint know this was possible even today, where one night stands and extra marital affairs are a part of everyday things.
    I wish you find someone who will give you more than you give others.
    Good luck and God Bless.

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  2. kya baat hai! good stuff.. ur fiction sounds eerily real!

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  3. @Pooja: Thanks for the wishes, in fact I would wish that to everyone - find someone who gives you more than what you give others...

    @Shivani: Thanks, I try...

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  4. this is so nice sid! very well written.... write a book! :)

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  5. Real gud wrk. But i wish it could have had an ending where she would have actually kept the promise and come to meet her,Would luv to read how things would get between both of them if something like these would have happened.

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  6. @Bhavin: Thanks buddy, your comments are extremely generous :)

    @Angie: I agree, that would have been an interesting end too. Maybe that's why I left the end and its interpretation open...

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  7. It sounded like it was piece from your diary. Very beautifully written.

    And that man to remember the promise that he had made ten years ago even after being separated from that woman for past seven years, he must have really loved her.

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  8. Don't know if its a true story or absolute fiction but you are great at it anyways and your stories always have an interesting end :)

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  9. PS: somehow your story reminds me of 'After twenty years' by O Henry :)

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  10. @Nethra: I am glad you said that, however my diary (which sadly doesn't even exist) could never be so eventful. Or maybe its too early to say that :)

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  11. @Nirja: I am glad you fine with the end, some other friends hate it!

    btw I just finished reading 'After Twenty Years'...awesome as his work always is :)

    Here is the link

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  12. Oops...here it is!

    http://www.literaturecollection.com/a/o_henry/44/

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  13. Hey Sid,,
    It is indeed a very good story, but you should also write it from the girl's perspective...The ending is may b may b not types....

    So looking forward for the remaining part of the story........:)

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  14. @Anshuman: Thanks sirji :)

    @Vishakha: This is an interesting idea, I might just actually write it :)

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  15. nicely written, Sid. I hope it's not one from your nostalgia... :)

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  16. 'IT was closure again'...till the next disillusionment!
    well written.

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  17. Closure is a funny thing. And so is love. Ah well.

    I like your writing. Journalist?

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  18. @Ashish: No buddy it's not nostalgia, just a collection of thoughts...

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  19. @4thosewhocare: :) Thanks...

    p.s. May I know you name, its funny to address you the way I currently do!

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  20. @Raveena: I agree, two funny things coming together...

    Sadly am not a journalist, just a designer...

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  21. Well written :) and dat number 7 is a huge one! Humm.. !

    Nyway.. feelings r well xpressed. Liked it :)

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  22. Certainly, seven is a big number...

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  23. The seven year itch :)

    Story telling is your forte - your stories are mature and you manage to hit just the right chords.

    Loved it....

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  24. well most of us wondering here if this is a fiction or real....well i call that a good write up when u keep people wondering if its real.nice sid.

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  25. Oh well i don't hate the end but i don't love it either, but in real life end is not always supposed to be happy so...

    And yeah thanks for the link was fun to read it again after many many years... keep posting :)

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  26. @Purba: Thanks a lot Purba, means a lot when such a nice one comes from you :)

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  27. @nitu: Thanks a lot :)

    It a nice feeling when people believe in what you write...a friend is gonna do an illustration for the post and is hell bent on sketching me as the protagonist, even he thinks the guy is me :)

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  28. m not sure its all fiction or real, but it reminded me of the movie series - before sunrise & before sunset. atleast the first half.
    I still doubt its fiction - there is a lot to it.

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  29. Really nice but if this is real you need to do something cause nor wait and nor moving on helps if the past baggage is too much!!!

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  30. @Siddharth
    10 years is a long long time..indeed! You must have gone through a lot... at least while writing it. Such high & intense emotions does not come wit so much easy...I loved the short n sweet narration. Each and every detail especially the one which reflects the tiny bits from a guy's point of view to ponder upon. Some very apt lines and direct approach in putting exclusively the sentiments of love, distance, time and longing to meet was so excellent done!

    From me two thumbs up..for this sweet intense mushy love story!!

    ~Keep the Spark ALive..

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  31. It's never closure. Not with someone you would burn yourself up over coffee and cigarettes.

    Just saying.

    Love the blog.

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  32. @Nirja: I agree the link is superb :)

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  33. @Nikita: Both of these are really good movies, and I suddenly have the urge to watch them again (though am generally not in mood for romantic movies). I remember acting out a few scenes from the movie for an acting class with a friend...it was fun :)

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  34. @Aniket: The less said about the baggage, the better it is. I agree its so difficult (and often impossible) to let go...

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  35. @Rachna: Thanks for the beautiful comment :) I am glad to show the guy's point of view here, sometimes they are just looked upon as stone, which is rarely the case...

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  36. @Peevie Juice: Possibly true, and quite possibly that's exactly what happened in the end...just a sense of closure, and not closure itself.

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  37. Real or fiction, is a real nice piece. Nice that you left it open ended. May be another blog post can follow at a later point that completes the story.

    So wish I could write this way!

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  38. Thanks Pospie, nice of you to stop by here :) Yes maybe another blogpost could follow...but I wonder if anything can ever complete a story. The end of one is always the beginning of another...such is life!

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  39. yes i lved reading this. well done.
    it seems to still have a few branches wanting to be climbed

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  40. Thanks Rivercat, am glad you liked it. And I agree there is lots still unsaid. We have so many such things i life, which are left incomplete without answers...

    I am tempted to write more ahead...maybe someday when the am alone on a long night with coffee and cigarettes :)

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  41. if only closure was as easy as fuck to happen, it wouldn't take this long....closure is a myth, like love is....

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