ghosts of my god...

The sound of the bell kept playing in my head hours after the aarti got over. It wasn't the first time either, and I knew this won't even be the last. It made me restless. It never let me sleep, made me an insomniac. As I lay wide awake, staring at the fan, the bells kept ringing inside, ready to break out. It went on and on and on, filling every bit of my existence, every bit of space inside me. I screamed, but the bells silenced me once again, never letting my voice out.

I heard them every morning, every evening. Every time I opened my eyes, ever so briefly and looked at the swarm of pious visitors, they watered with pity. I wanted to tell them to go away, to not prostate here. No one lived here, but me. But they kept coming, over and over again, day after day, year after year. Some had been coming here for as long as I lived. But they needed to be stopped, they needed to be told that it was just four walls here; just dead walls, just an empty space, a place with no soul.

I kept thinking this, day after day, a few years after the bells started chasing me. I begged for redemption for my lack of faith, and my little faith failed me again. Giving up on my self and my god, I carried on with life. Maybe I will carry on for years to come, maybe I will scream out loud and close the doors of this space forever. Maybe I will become a believer once again...

For now, I live with my ghosts, with the bells chasing me everywhere...

in the mood for love...

"He remembers those vanished years,
As though looking through a dusty window pane,
The past is something he could see, but not touch.
And everything he sees is blurred and indistinct."

These are the closing lines of this amazing movie. The last sequence is gripping and will almost certainly end up making you feel low, but its poetic and beautiful still.

Here are a few lines from an online review of the movie by Simma Park, elaboraing a little more on the last scene.

"If this film has a flaw, it is that Western audiences may not find the film to be satisfying entertainment. It will disorient those who need an ending with closure - the threads of the characters' lives trail off, leaving not the slightest inkling of their future. And those who need happy endings will be heartbroken by the last scene, which drives home that everything we do - and do not do - must eventually be consigned to the oblivion of time."

p.s. I wrote this quite some time back, and it has little relevance today. Still, its not a bad idea to share these words.

Just added this video of the last scene from the movie. I apologize to all for any copyright violations.