I am Firangi, but an Indian at heart. I am an Indian, but an Italian at heart. I am International, totally phoren at heart!

Wrote this for my friend Muzayun a long time back as a guest author on her blog. Recently she decided to clean up her blog to make it more acceptable, and this was first amongst the many things that got dumped. I spent quite sometime writing this, so am publishing it again nevertheless.

"I am an Italian by soul". And I am not the only one who strongly believes in that. Silvi and Helena have reaffirmed my belief by subscribing to this fact, without any provocation. And Sid is a witness to it, check with him if anyone has any doubts. Now there are different theories about what part of Italy do I belong to. My favorite crush Michelangelo (Torino) believes I am from Napoli, and his wonderful curls convince me of that. However, others feel that I am more Milano. Sid is different, he thinks I am from a region called cold Bihar. I hate that.

Personally I also believe that I am Iranian, my family and close relatives tell me so. The fact that I look like one also convinces me of that.

The ghodawala also feels that I am not Indian. When I travel with Sid, people ask him for driving license as proof and me for my passport. But I like it. Though we make for an odd combination, a phoren mem back-packing with a desi bihari. My disastrous luck! Where are you Michelangelo?

When I visit Diu, people look at me and stare. The fools haven't seen many with Multinational personalities like mine. I bask in the glory of my Internationalhood!

But my passport is Indian. So I am making distinct efforts to learn the local lingo, starting with the desi gaalis. Though they sounded disgusting in the past, am getting used to them now. Local and low-level friends like Sid come handy!

My sisters are Indian and pro-India. This statement becomes highly relevant when it comes to my home, which is badly hit by violence and destruction, apart from the fast spreading anti-state sentiment.

My daughter, Snehal, is also very Indian. And her last name is Joshi. We all call it coincidence, rather a nice coincidence. She sings beautifully, and I like whatever she sings. Her songs are distinctly Indian. Now I am thoroughly confused!

Many of my REC friends are based in Europe, but they also hold Indian passport. God I am so so confused now!!! Oh, but Filipe, Helena, Silvi, Jan and many many more are not Indian. Thank god my International credentials are still intact.

And every time I try speaking in the local language (including Kashmiri), people look at me with open mouth and appreciate the efforts I have taken to learn an Indian language, after all not all phoren mems take the effort to mix so nicely with the locals. When I tell them that I was born here, and learned the language in school they are less than impressed.

I ignore all of this. I know who I am - 

"I am Firangi, but an Indian at heart. I am an Indian, but an Italian at heart. I am International, totally phoren at heart!"

To make a Kashmiri smile :)

I make some people smile, that’s already an achievement for me. Rarely people find me funny, unless they are very close to me.  My humour generally fails to take off in groups, or with people I do not know very well. They sneer at the end of my best joke, or at best politely look bewildered and excuse themselves; this is especially true for the members of the opposite sex. To overcome my less than successful social skills, of late 

I have started studying my more successful friends, and often copy their jokes, and stupid one liners and use those to dupe people. So far even this has not worked, but I believe with practice my odd sense of humour will be less notable, and people will flock to me to hear me repeat my copied and oft repeated jokes and smart comments!

In English: 'Kashmiri' strong soda center

But this post isn’t about me. This is about Kashmir, or rather about a Kashmiri. It’s a result of hours of hard work and research, and something that I intend to take forward into a full-fledged thesis. The following lines would bust a few myths about Kashmir and in the process reveal  a few hidden truths about the famed (claimed!) land.

1. Kashmiri women are coy (even TOI thinks so). My extensive experience says absolutely untrue. And in my opinion, it’s the lack of the wild beasts in the state is responsible for this.
2. Kashmiri pulao isn’t sweet! Of course it is sweet, just visit any restaurant or dhabha in the neighbourhood and you shall know the truth.
3. Kashmiri women wear colorful clothes, at times even adorning themselves with flowers. It’s a joke, they like only Black and flowers are an absolute no no (Sharmila Tagore in Kashmir ki Kali was super-fake!).
4. Kashmiri men are bearded gorilla like creatures. On the contrary they are clean shaven, and always have trimmed hair. While I was there I looked like a gorilla, and hence sadly never fitted in.
5. The most famous export from Kashmir is not Pashmina but Kashmiri Soda, at least in Gujarat. It pops into your glass and gives you the coolness, straight from the Himalayas.
6. Kashmiris live in cold climate and hence can live in extreme cold. The truth is sadly different, they can shiver even on the hottest day in June, when the monsoon is already delayed by a week and earth is crying with thirst.
7. They are simple people. They visualize themselves from weird angles, like perched on a fan and attempt sketching that I detail.
8. They are serious people from a serious land. Hahahahaha…I laugh the most in their company, sometimes with disastrous results; especially when there is no joke, but I imagine there to be one!

So what’s the point of writing all this? I am trying to be funny here; you still do not get it??? I told you, it’s an uphill task for me to bring about a smile J

Whither Kashmir? Freedom or Enslavement - Arundhati speaks controversy

Do you have to agree to a point of view to be able to appreciate the intent for that point of view? Maybe not, at least not always and certainly not necessarily.

The controversy started when Arundhati spoke at the seminar organised by the Jammu and Kashmir Coalition of Civil Society on 'Whither Kashmir? Freedom or Enslavement' in New Delhi on 21st October. Apart from a lot of other things that she said, the one sentence that created the controversy was “Kashmir has never been an integral part of India. It is a historical fact. Even the Indian government has accepted this”.

Sounds controversial when one reads it for the first the first time, but is it fit to be labeled anti-national? Expressing whats on your mind into words suddenly makes you eligible for being booked for sedition? Enough number of Kashmiris say this almost in every single rally that happens, not just in Srinagar, but in the rest of Kashmir as well. Is it not more logical to non-judgmental and just listen to what is being said and make an effort to understand the why behind it?  Enough number of Indians (living within the international borders, which often doesn't even include the valley) have over the years accused the Indian government of neglecting them and making them completely alienated with the Union - North-east is an obvious example, and even Maoists may fall into this category. So when our own so-called citizens feel so cut-off from the rest of us, whose fault is it, or rather whose responsibility is it to change that? And if they continue to feel this way, does it mean we will force our rule on them because we lay claim to the piece of land which originally belonged to them (the Indian Republic came into existence only in the last century)? How sensible is to keep occupying a piece of land where people do not want you, or where possibly a majority might even want to completely do away with you?

These are lots of questions, and the answers may even be contradictory. But we still need to seek answers to these. It makes me so uncomfortable that we fight over what Arundhati says, but do not even try to understand that at the heart of it there is so much empathy. She is an activist, and she is doing a fine job at keeping the government on its toes. Maybe all the controversy surrounding

I am a supporter of free speech, however, the definition of free speech means different things to different people. Let there be a debate, let there be an open and frank debate. India's position is indefensible in some areas and the first thing would be to accept these and move forward. I hope to see more sensible feedback from political parties, rather than the hurried criticisms of anyone who dares to speak differently. We risk not being a free society anymore.

Here is a speech by her, just sit back and think why people (presumably mostly Kashmiris) cheer so much for her. What is it that she says that makes a connect with the people?

Kashmiri ‘khaandar’ - wedding celebrations – series I, II and III and so on

My long time friend Muzayun has posted a series of articles on the rituals associated with a typical Muslim Kashmiri wedding. These are drawn from her own experiences over a period of more than a month, when her elder sister got married.

A delight to read, these give quite a lot of tit-bits on these events which usually happen behind closed doors and not seen by many outside the immediate family.

You can find the series here.

Flying...

I've been writing about similar things for a while...and this post is an attempt to change that :)

So I'll start with sweets...I am home for the long weekend, and I've spent most of the time sleeping or eating sweets! Laddos, jelabis, pooas, barfis and so on...Am I addicted to sweets? Or should I blame the 'Solar Eclipse' for it! Or maybe its because I saw 'Singh is Kingg' last weekend? Even something like my new found love 'mango' can be responsible for it? Anyway how does it matter? After all we all are 'Khuda ke bande'...or at least some of us are; rest are of course 'Bhagwan ke lal' or 'Christ's child' and so on...Its very interesting! The obvious lack of unity in all this. Kashmir for instance...or Gujarat! United we stand...in this hour of crisis...hahaha...lovely! Like a firangi mem's firangi lipstick...very red and hot! Burning hot sometimes...orgasmnic...hmmmm! Desirable...desirable like a piece of land that we all keep fighting for and that also becomes a scale for proving your patriotic feelings...hahaha again...on the boil...maybe provocative! Undesirable...not for all! Very desirable for some...remember saffron is grown in pampore...in Kashmir...very Indian! Of course it has to belong to us...

I feel so lost...so lost in my own thoughts! Maybe I need a shrink to put me right...maybe I'll even see one soon. But how about others? Does that mean I think there is something wrong with others as well...and they also need treatment! All these thoughts can be because I need treatment myself...hahaha...I will see a doc soon...hahaha...some champu sitting in a sexy posh clinic! I hope the secretary is sexy too...very desirable :) Hot and sexy...hmmm...

How about a horse with five legs? Or maybe I am confusing the trunk with legs! How about the Saraswati in 2D and painted in silver? With a few gems here and there?

How about flying? Flying somewhere, never to come back?