Wedding woes in Gurgaon!

It’s nice to be home in Gurgaon. It also brings excitement to the lives of my nephew and niece, though anything alive visiting home brings them much excitement (my visit being no exception).

This time the focus has been on their missing mami. The last time I visited home, dad asked my niece to inquire about when I plan to get married, and ever since this has been on her mind. She wants a clear time-plan for this now, no more ‘soon’ will do. Her best friend has a mamu and a mami too, and that somehow makes her mamu a lot less accomplished. So this time Mihika (my niece) got this best friend and her elder brother also to ask me about the missing mami.

I was happy with all the attention I got, and was forced to give out a timeline too. Mihika even insisted on fixing her dance number for the wedding right away, I suggested she wait till the planned year and pick up a more contemporary hit then. Her friend wasn’t as understanding, this is how the conversation went with her:

Vrinda: Where is the mami, mamu (I am the universal mamu now)?

Me: Mami is still not there.

Vrinda: What do you mean? A mami has to be there.

Me: There is no mami.

Vrinda: Oh, is she dead then?

Me: No, no. She is not dead, she is still to come.

Vrinda: When will she come?

Me: Soon.

Now Vrinda was a little confused, for her if there is mama, there has to be a mami as well; there cannot be any mama without a mami. Reluctantly,however, she agreed to the present scenario accepting that Mihika’ mamu’s case is rather odd. 

I wonder if it actually worries the kids that their visibly old mamu is still without a mami. Or if this is a strategy fueled by the worried elders in the household? It seems like getting old without a partner is something new, unusual and still undesirable.

Kashmiri ‘khaandar’ - wedding celebrations – series I, II and III and so on

My long time friend Muzayun has posted a series of articles on the rituals associated with a typical Muslim Kashmiri wedding. These are drawn from her own experiences over a period of more than a month, when her elder sister got married.

A delight to read, these give quite a lot of tit-bits on these events which usually happen behind closed doors and not seen by many outside the immediate family.

You can find the series here.

हम पहाड़ी लोग!

A typical meeting of Pahadi women/ families, young or old, relatives or virtually unknown to one another.

Such meetings are always pleasent, and always end up with everyone being everyone else's relative. I always enjoy them, though I am never able to participate in them much; I do not find the idea of becoming everyone else's long lost relative particularly appealing.

The meetings with known relatives is generally more relaxed, one of part of the agenda is already fulfilled (everyone is already a proved relative to everyone else). In such a scenario other things can also be discussed. Pahadi women (and often men) have this exceptional quality of discussing three to four topics at the same point of time with equal number of people in the group. A new topic invariably starts the moment you look up at someone you had not being talking to, of course your previous chat partner takes no offence to this and continues the same discussion with a new partner. Its essential in such a case to keep one's ears highly attuned to all the conversations happening in the room, you never know when you might be expected to start talking on a new discussion topic. I have a feeling that it also imrpoves one's sensory abilities.

One of the popular topics discussed today was my pony tail. It was only to cover up my scary looks that I had tied my hair. One of my paternal grandma liked it a lot and used many flattering/ unflaterring adjectives to describe it. It was also claimed with some authority that my pony was better than my neice's pony; I wanted to hide/ disappear somewhere right at that moment and was saved by a phone call and I escaped.

Of course, all the grandmas also wanted to know about my marriage plans. They are highly alarmed by my reluctance to discuss the topic in detail. My promise that I shall inform them the day I get married alarmed them further. Handling such sensitive topics with elders is a matter of great skill (and courage), and something that one can learn only with age (and sadly by that time one is already married). They are all somehow convinced that I am going to marry a Gujarati dame and thats the reason why I am so stuck with Ahmedabad also. Though the thought was alarming, it got lost in further discussion on fake khoa and fake desi ghee. I escaped.

Bollywood Ice maidens in Agra!

Yesterday was a day of revelation for me; was in Agra for a wedding and this is what I experienced...

a) Women in North India don't feel cold at all (poor men, I suspect that since women don't feel cold men have to take women's share as well).

b) Its not a myth that all our film actresses also don't feel cold (whether Madhuri in Alaska or Sridevi in Alps, a semi-transparent chiffon saree is basically sufficient for their meager needs).

c) Women look stunning in transparent/ semi-transparent/ opaque sarees even if you are covered in woolens and shivering/ freezing/ maybe even possibly blue with the cold!

d) Simply because these cold-resistant beauties have about a zillion goose-bumps, it should not be assumed that they can be feeling cold. THEY DON'T FEEL COLD! And there are no two ways about it!

e) And of course the pretty ladies aren't blessed with this boon throughout their lives! As they get old, they also need shawls, sweaters (often both and in plural). In fact, in a way its a jolly good natural phenomena!

Having said that, let me assure all that the experience was an exilirating one for me! Apart from the absolutely amazing 'moong dal ka halwa', the saree-clad (with or without the goose-bumps) women were the highlight of the evening and I can't imagine what a disaster it would be, if they were to wear seaters, shawls et el. Men of all age-group were found gaping at them!

Of course, the wedding was also superb. I completely enjoyed the 'varmala' session, complete with the extraordinary background score and a shining rotating stage (I promise I would post some pics of the stage soon). Parul (the bride) was startled when it moved for the first time (though recovered a little later with the help of steel railing). Vikasbhai (the groom), however, looked confident despite the moving stage and the constant threat of the stage caving in due to excessive load on it (due the relatives and everyone who joined them later for blessings, and certainly not the bride-groom combo)! I had never ever seen anything like that before and was very happy to have made it to the wedding!

May the boy-girl met in college/ fell in love/ got married now also live happily ever after! All my best wishes with them!